I'm Not Naturally Nice, I'm Doing My Best

Why does everyone love those people who are naturally nice?

The ones that never have a bad thought come to mind and therefore are only ever lovely about everyone and everything.

Whereas, I get called a bad person because I’m prone to making sarcastic comments about stuff.

But the thing people don’t take account of, is that for every bitchy comment that does escape my lips, I’ve bitten back twenty.

You ask me if those trousers make your arse look big and trust me, dozens of sarcastic retorts will pop into my mind completely unbidden.

But I filter you know, and I hold stuff back, and I bite my lip, and I try not to say too many bad things, but sometimes there’s a breach in the dam and something slips out.

Now I know that’s not good, but where’s my credit for the twenty things I didn’t say?

Because for me it takes effort and I want due kudos for that.

But no, everyone just bangs on about the ‘naturally lovely people’ despite the fact they are either just predisposed to be that way (in which case we may as well also commend them on their excellent eye colour), or frankly they’re just too damn stupid to come up with witty retorts.

And trust me there are twenty other insults about them I could have used.