as easy as alpha beta ?

i was recently with a group of christians in a bar at a well known christian festival
as i sat down i picked up a pile of cd's that were on the table in front of me and flicked through them ... the last one was a cd of The Alpha Course

(for those who have no idea what i am talking about think cheesy course to introduce people to the bible and the christian way of life which makes huge amounts of money for ... sorry ... which instructs and teaches in a very scriptual and holy way)

i rather childishly went "eeww eeww Alpha! "(wiped my fingers on my jeans) "and i touched it urrghh"

somebody pointed out to me that the lady sat next to me was Margaret and was the UK director of Alpha and perhaps i should be careful what i say

i turned to her and said "hello margaret how do you live with yourself?"

she grimaced and asked me why i didn't like Alpha (it has to be said with a slightly patronising through gritted teeth kind of smile)

i explained that i was involved with a thing called holy joes and that we were probably as far removed from Alpha as it was possible to be while still on the same planet

"oh" said margaret, we are all a part of the same family of God

to which i replied, 'if we are then you are the middle child"

margaret smiled again and explained how she was interested in hearing what people thought of Alpha

realising that this was dangerous ground i explained that she really wouldn't want to hear what i had to say and it would probably be best to just drop the subject and talk about something else

at least four times i refused to comment and eventually having had enough i said "my problem with Alpha is that i have spent 15 years meeting people who have been harmed by the type of churches that peddle this nonsense and i object to God being marketed in this way and i hate the way you are re-selling thirty year old christian books (named a few i knew of) ... how much is your profits on the whole thing by the way?"

margaret wasn't too happy and left shortly afterwards

in my defence and why i claim that i was misunderstood is that i tried to warn her ... i attempted to avoid saying it ... the first couple of lines should have indicated that i was not about to be polite and yet ... and yet ... they carry right on into the mouth of the abyss